Skip Pause Forward
by Maryam25
Summary: Inspired by The Good Wife 5x16. Alicia is struggling with Will's death and goes through various scenarios as to what Will might have said in his unfinished message, if he hadn't been interrupted. This is loosely based on the episode, but goes in its own direction. Enjoy!


_Hey everyone, this is something I had to get down on paper. It was taking over my mind completely! I was inconsolable with respect to Josh Charles' departure and even more so with the way Will died. But, what can you do? Everyone has to move on. It saddens me though, that we never really got to see Alicia and Will. Thanks for reading. Enjoy!_

_**Skip. Pause. Forward.**_

She runs the scenarios in her head–runs them on repeat.

Runs each one about a hundred times. Until she can't distinguish the first from the fifth and the sixth from the eighth.

Tweaking here, adjusting there.

Phone in his left hand, the right in his pocket.

Phone in his right hand, the left doing up a button on his suit jacket.

"_Alicia…," he starts, his voice somewhat softening at his mention of her name. _

"_This dispute, it needs to end. Life's too short for us to be on the outs. I care too much about you. You know, I always have."_

_Silence._

_It's not an admission he doles out lightly, she knows._

"_Call me."_

_He lets out a long breath._

She'd been poaching clients. Not just LG clients, _his _clients, trying to convince them that their best interests lay with Florrick Agos.

"_So what you're saying Mrs. Florrick, is that Will Gardener is an incapable attorney," the man repeats a twisted version of her earlier words._

"_No, Mr. Flecher. Will is one of the best litigators in Chicago."_

_Probably on the West Coast, even–though this last part she doesn't say aloud._

_It's so easy for her to compliment him because it's true. Will's a good man. Will's a great lawyer._

"_What I'm saying is that at our firm, we will be able to devote more partner time to your cases. I will personally see to it."_

_Hearing her own words out loud, they don't sound nearly as convincing as she'd like them to be. She tells him to think about it, but when she laughs at his joke it's hollow._

Will had found out someone was taking his clients. Will had been angry.

"_Alicia, what the hell do you think you're doing going after my clients? Stay away from my clients."_

_An exasperated sigh._

"_Stay the hell away from them Alicia."_

_Somewhere in his words she hears a warning._

This scenario is just as plausible–if not more so–as any other.

She dismisses numerous calls throughout the day–most of them Peter's. When Cary calls, she answers; she doesn't make anything of it because Cary is her business partner. Though technically, Peter is supposed to be her life partner…

Her conversation with Cary is kept short, but the heaviness doesn't go unnoticed by either of them. He asks, but doesn't prod. She thanks him, but doesn't say she's fine.

Later in the day something hits her.

Maybe she _was_ looking to get a rise out of him; maybe it was what she was hoping for.

She thinks it's very possible she wanted Will to come after her–to come marching into Florrick Agos, temper flaring, feeling enraged and out of control.

Deep down, somewhere buried within the confines of her chest, she needed him to yell and scream–at her. She needed him to take this–it–out on her.

She betrayed him.

When no one wanted her; when she was damaged and he was a hotshot lawyer–a named partner at a law firm–_he_ was willing to give her a job. He _gave _her the job.

And even deeper down, in a crevice sandwiched between her right and left ventricles, she thinks, she needed it to finally get better.

And Alicia knew, it had to get worse before it could get any better.

Will was never much of a grudge holder. That much she remembers distinctly. Georgetown seems forever ago and Alicia only a shadow of her former self.

She's roused from her thoughts by the sound of her phone.

It's Eli.

She doesn't make anything of it and absently slides her finger across the screen to accept the call.

She should have known.

Or, should she have?

It's rather resourceful of Peter–using Eli's phone.

She can't see him, not now–not for a while.

So she tells him that she's fine. She's really not.

That he shouldn't come over. He really shouldn't.

He seems to get the message.

Because he doesn't call again.

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In the end, she can't decide. She can't just pick and choose. It's not a puzzle that she's putting back together–not a jigsaw that requires immediate assembly.

She simply lets it be; lets the pieces fall where they may.

Will called her. Will left a message.

And that was enough.

It _is_ enough.

Because it could have been so much worse.

She keeps the message indefinitely. And even though she hasn't listened to it in a while, the whisper of his voice still haunts her.

"_Alicia…"_

Still causes her heart to skip a beat and her thoughts to momentarily pause.

_Fin_


End file.
